B is for Beauty Disasters

Hilarity, Life, ,

I am not a girly girl. Hell, I never even realized clothes should match until maybe fifth or sixth grade. I had no idea about hair products until junior-highish. It’s pretty safe to say I don’t really know what I’m doing.

I’m also one of those people who will spend two hours looking up hairstyles on Pinterest before having a “Eureka! I can do that!” moment.

I should really know better by now. Remember my Minecraft birthday cake? It’s just a few entries down if not. It was so bad I actually looked for a toy dinosaur to blame the wreckage on.

So I really shouldn’t have been surprised by my morning experience two days ago…but I was.

I had a plan to use a round brush while blowdrying my hair so I would have these big, bouncy curls instead of confused, almost corkscrewy Medusa-like creations that I just try not to anger in the mornings. It was gonna be great. I washed my hair, I had all my stuff together, and I even had a brand new brush all ready. I was so excited.

I took off the towel and picked up the brush, started at the end of my wet hair,curled upward to my scalp, and started blowdrying. I was almost trembling with excitement (yeah…it doesn’t take much to thrill me. I know).

And then I tried to roll the brush back down.

It was stuck.

I don’t mean a little bit. I mean it was stuck so bad there was no give. In the next five minutes, I go from “what the hell?” to “omg, how did my hair somehow wrap around this thing in both directions?” The next fifteen minutes are spent yanking and wiggling and trying to pry my traitorous hair out of the bear trap disguised as a hairbrush. It was so bad I almost woke Darrick up and tell him to get some butter or something. Anything. I was desperate.

It was starting to look like my choices were either a new pixie cut or go to work with it still in my hair and act like I meant to pretend I was a demented unicorn, but I finally got it out. I did.

I lost a big handful of hair, had a horrible headache from yanking my own hair, and had some swollen places on my scalp…but I got it.

Lesson learned. Don’t try to normal people when I am NOT one of them.

13 thoughts on “B is for Beauty Disasters”

  2. I am not normal either. My husband has declared me “uncool.” Secret is I have never tried to be cool – too much effort. My clothing still does not match (and I am old)

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  7. Came across your blog through the A to Z Challenge. I know this struggle all too well. My eyeliner is so crooked it looks like I was drunk when I put it on. Your posts are great! I look forward to keeping up with you!

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  8. I don’t think normal people can use a round brush correctly. I decided the other day that I’d paint my nails with this cool sparkly purple nail polish. I now have little bits purple nail polish on my carpet after the cat came along and flung the bottle off my desk. On my fingers, it began chipping off immediately but for some reason it won’t all come off without serious scraping work and huge amounts of remover. Who has time for that? So now I have half painted nails.

    Sara
    Empire for a Blueberry

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