In Tarot, there’s usually (depending on your deck) a card titled “The Fool.” The most classic depiction of this is a young man with a knapsack looking behind him at a dog without realizing he is walking straight off of a cliff. This card could mean the guy’s an idiot for not realizing he is about to die, or it could mean that he’s aware of dangers but is trusting the path he is on will work out I’m the end.
It is a perfect representation of my life right now.
I had enough at my job. I tried so hard to do both of the positions they had forced on me, but the stress literally had me depressed and on the verge of crying all the time, which is not like me. I couldn’t sleep. I was barely eating. It was to the point I was considering going to the doctor and being put on medication to calm my anxiety so I could concentrate on the tasks at hand instead of staring at my computer screen frozen because I was terrified anything I did would be wrong. Huge red flag – I should not have to medicate myself to work.
I was talking about it with my sister-in-law and she mentioned they were needing a manager pretty bad at a new pizza shop her work opened a few weeks ago. I drove up there to apply and to my surprise also interviewed. A few days later I was offered the job and I was off on the next adventure in my life.
I’m so sad at the way it turned out at my previous job – I had worked hard, had some big successes, and it is the failures that will always haunt me. I liked working there, but trying to do two demanding positions as one person was too much. In my exit interview I begged them not to do the same thing to the next person. No one should be broken down like I was. I had no confidence left by the time I said enough was enough. It seems they took that to heart because they have now divided up my previous position into two.
My new job – managing a pizza joint in a nearby town – is a huge adjustment. I barely use any of the skills I learned at my previous job, I took a huge paycut, I work long hours on my feet and I get really bored sometimes when it’s slow. However, it’s a job and when I do get time off I don’t have to worry myself to death about what’s happening while I’m gone or try to catch up on less-critical work I wasn’t able to get to during the week. I can just be home and enjoy my family. That alone has been worth the transition.
I don’t necessarily feel like this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m not even entirely sure what my goals for that are anymore, honestly. This last six months has changed a lot of things for me and I’m on my way to becoming a new person because of those changes. Like The Fool, I just have to trust that things are going to work out.
The theme of this blog is Life, Family, and Hilarity – so let’s get back to that, shall we?