On the Short Side

Let me start out by saying I’m used to being the short kid on the block. I’m 5’2. I’m so short that it actually weirds me out to meet people shorter than I am. It’s like I’m suspicious that they’re suddenly going to unzip their skin and a taller person is going to unfold and step out like something out of a cartoon. Because…you know…that could happen.

I’m also used to being the weird kid on the block. It’s cool.

But what I never seem to get used to is all the problems that crop up when you’re short. Here’s my list of annoyances in no particular order:

1) When tall people put things on shelves. Seriously. My husband is 6’2. He puts things on high shelves because to him it’s eye level or just above. To me, it’s Siberia. I know it’s there but I couldn’t tell you anything else about it. This becomes a huge deal when he does things like move the coffee filters from the bottom shelf of the kitchen cabinet to the top shelf and I can’t make my morning coffee. Don’t mess with my caffeine. It makes up half of my genetic material at this point.

2) Trying to kiss a tall person. I mentioned my husband is 6’2. That’s a foot taller than me, folks. The logistics of trying to land a kiss correctly gets pretty interesting. Calf cramps hurt, and I have no sense of balance. I’ve been known to tip over trying to make out with him. It may have been cute to him the first couple times, but five years later not so much. At least not to me. I’m a fully grown woman; I don’t want to fall over like a heavy-headed toddler.

3) Capris. THEY LIE. They do not hit you at the right place in your leg and you either wind up looking oompa loompa short or like you’re wearing rapper shorts. Man rapper, not the tiny little things the girls in the video wear. It’s not attractive.

4) Regular pants. “Short” lengths seem to only go to my ankles and regular lengths go an inch (or more) past my shoes. It’s a hazard! I once got my pants stuck in a door that slammed shut behind me and almost depants-ed myself because I was moving and my pants were not. Instead I wound up faceplanting while trying to hang into my jeans so I didn’t show everyone I work with my underwear! Jeebus. Someone had to open the damn door for me so I could even stand up. My life is ridiculous sometimes. Just last night I caught my toe in my pajama pants, tripped, and left a faceprint on my balcony door.

5) The sun visor in your vehicle. It’s a damn tease. You want it so bad, but nope, it isn’t gonna help you even a little bit.

I’m sure tall people have their problems too (I have personally seen my husband whack his head numerous times on low doorways. It’s funny every time.) but short people have our own unique problems with the world. Maybe that’s why we tend to rant on when we’re angry? 😉

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